Camera 531W's Collection
by Miyabata Keigai
Summary: Add on to 'the Hunting Trip' a collection of 100 drabbles in progress on what blackmail material Camera 531-W has endured over the years. will start after twilight and ends after Breaking Dawn
1. Chapter 1

**AUTHORS NOTE: IMPORTANT! PLZ READ!**

**IF any of you have read the 'HUNTING TRIP', this would be the beginning of the 100 blackmailing drables that Camera 531-W has survived through. You don't HAVE to read that first, but it would make more sense in the later chapters if you did :) This oneshot collection will be ffinished my an estimation of.. hhmm... May 09, methinks, but i WILL update weekly, so don't worry! these are all tailored after parts of my life**

**Inspiration: My friend and i were having quite an interesting conversation on the phone, and i used that as a base, but i kinda wandered off....**

**Discalimer: sorry guys, sad to say that i dont own twilight, though i do own some sour soothers :)**

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After a night stayed up with talking and staring into each others' eyes, Edward was worn out, regardless of the fact that he was a vampire. He stared at his soul-mate, sleeping oh-so peacefully on the bed beside him- even in her coma-tose like sleep state, she looked absolutely adorable. He sighed contentedly. Soon, he thought to himself. Soon, we will be together forever...

He got up, and headed towards the TV room. Today would be the last night for the Grey Cup, and although he was not Canadian, he liked good football nonetheless. He moved quietly, so to not awaken his beloved. Just as he was about to turn on the TV, his phone vibrated violently against his leg. He grimaced as the vibrating noise filled his ears, though glad that Bella wouldn't be able to hear it at all.

He checked the caller ID, and surprised to find an Unknown Number calling him. Edward frowned in puzzlement. No one other than his family and Bella knew this number. He cautiously answered it.

(The following: **Edward talks in BOLD, **the Mysterious Caller is UNDERLINED)

"**Hello?"**

"Hi EDWARD! HOW'S YOUR HONEYMOON GOING? HOW'S LIFE?"

**"Who is this? How do you know my name? How do you know I'm on a honeymoon?**

At this point, Edward was very confused. The mysterious caller was using a voice changer, and he couldn't tell who was calling.

"HEHEHE DON'T KNOW WHO I AM EH? HHMMMM..." Maniacal laughter could be heard in the background, coupled with stifled giggles.

**"No, I don't know who this is..."**

"Eh, I'm assuming that you won't tell me anything unless I tell you who I am..."

**"Emmett, what are you doing calling me at..."** Edward paused to check the time. **"2:26 am? Don't you have better things to do?"** he sighed, exasperated.

"NOPE! SO, LITTLE BROTHER, WHAT WERE YOU DOING BEFORE I CALLED?"

Edward winced at his brother's loud voice. **"I was about to watch the Grey Cup, Emmett"**

"OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! OH MY- wait... is that hockey?"

**"No Emmett, it's Canadian football"** Edward pinched the bridge of his nose, suddenly feeling incredibly annoyed and worn out.

"OHHHH! ARE THE STAMPEDERS WINNING?" Emmett squealed happily. More giggles could be heard on the other end of the phone.

**"I wouldn't be able to tell you Emmett, seeing as I'm on the phone with YOU right now!" **Edward practically growled at him. **"YOU HAVE EXACTLY 1 MINUTE TO TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT BEFORE I HANG UP ON YOU!"**

"Tsk, tsk, Eddiekins!" Hysterical giggling filled the quiet TV room. "Anyways, I have news about Tanya's visit. If you want to..er... ahem... avoid her with Bella, you should listen to this" the end of the statement was... disturbingly malevolent.

Edward cursed many profanities under his breath, and shivered to something akin to fear. **"What do you want, Emmett?" **Frantic whispering could be heard in the background, though it sounded suspiciously like Alice.

"Underneath the couch should be a couple pink extensions and an Avril Lavigne outfit. Say yes when you finish getting dressed in those" Edward muttered, as he glared blackly at the pink hair extensions... Alice, he thought. After 'dressing' he spoke into his cell phone.

**"Yes, I'm 'dressed', Emmett"** with a mutinous expression on his face, he listened to the next instructions.

"Ok, now, you have to start singing 'Girlfriend' at the top of your lungs while dancing around. REMEMBER" Emmett roared as Edward was about respond, "I HAVE INFO ON TANYA!"

Edward growled, angry. He grudgingly did as he was asked, singing in a smooth velvety voice while dancing. After a minute or two, he finished. And proceeded to rip off the offending garment. He hung up the phone, and as he turned around, he saw Bella, holding a camera, crawling on the floor, gasping for breath, after laughing hard.

Edward paled considerably. _WAS THAT ALL ON TAPE?_ , the thought, panic stricken.

"So, Edward, scared of Tanya eh? I wonder what would happen if I showed her this.. Hmmm" his beloved grinned sadistically.

"Give me the camera, Bella" Edward tried to speak calmly.

"NOPE! And don't think your vampiric speed can get me! LOOK! OBVIOUS DISTRACTION!" she cried. Edward turned, and that was all it took before Alice swooped in and took the camera from Bella. She cackled gleefully.

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**AUTHORS NOTES: hoped you liked it! please send reviews and stuff :) lol shamelesss..........**

**XD btw i WON'T be updating on monday or tuesdya, i'm helping out with a band camp, BUT i assure you that many ideas will be gained from that :)**


	2. SORRY! AN

SORRYSORRYSORRYSORRY!

i told you guys there would be frequent updates, and there will be, its just that the thing i planned for this chapter is a bit far into the story, so i need to decide whether or not to cut it, or make a super long chapte.r in the end i chose the super long chapter, but its gonna take a while. I'm guesstimating sometimes b4 nxt monday and thats askin alot cuz a friends staying over and yesh. i also have a screwed up la/social project, along with a science brain killer one.

as i said b4, im really really sorry, especially to ella! btw, would you like to be my beta reader?

if nybody's itnersted gimme a shout through a review k? and explain how it works cuz im kinda clueless... hehe sorry

again, SORY SORRY SORRY,

but the bandcamp one wil be EXTRA LONG! OVER 10 pages, methinks

cheers^^

dont attempt to kill meeeeeeeeeeeee or the stuff wont get done at all,

twilightotaku


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